Death by Technology
It’s been all over the news – the number of automobile accidents, injuries, and even death due to texting and driving. Even though laws have been enacted and the consequences are obvious – people still do it. I’m not going to talk about that however. I’m going to talk about another kind of death due to obsessive texting. The death of families. The death of relationships.
Historically parents and children gathered around the dinner table to eat a meal and share their days. This was the time parents had to teach their children values. This was the time parents had to check in and learn about the people their children were growing up to be. The dinner table was traditionally whereparents would find out about their friends, their school, and their relationships. Our kids may not even know Leave it to Beaveror dinner with the Cunningham Family in Happy Days, but that is the image I bring up when I think about the importance of meal time.
Matt and I were at dinner the other night after many months of not seeing each other. The Foundation’s business has been so busy in the Vegas area, and my workload in Glendale hasdoubled since July. That severely limited the time we could spend together as business partners and friends. We made it through the appetizer, bread and salad catching up with each other and planning next steps for the Foundation. Right when our main course was delivered, Matt took a call on his cell phone. After sitting for a while listening to his side of the conversation I felt increasingly awkward so out came my cell phone and I began playing a game. All conversation stopped. Unintentionally the person on the other end of the phone call was made more important that the person in front of him. My response was to then make the game more important than him. This led to misunderstandings and miscommunication and more silence.
Maybe that’s why I began noticing how technology intrudes into relationships because now I’m seeing it everywhere. Fast forward to the next night when we walked into another restaurant for dinner. The first table we walked by had two young women sitting together – not talking – but avidly texting. Really? Why even bother sitting together? Maybe they would communicate more sitting apart and texting each other? Look around. I bet you see it too.
That’s the danger of the smart phones. Taking a phone call, texting, and responding or sending emails while spending time with someone unintentionally sends the message that whoever is on the other end of the technology line is more important than the person in front of you. They are more deserving of your attention and focus. Is that the message you really want to give?
So let’s bring this back to the slow demise of our families. Teenagers and children even younger are bringing their cell phones to the table. The only conversations that happen are thru text messages and those messages are not between parents and their children.
So how does a parent teach their children what is and is not important when they are obsessively texting? When do parentsteach and pass on their values? When do they mentor and guide their children through the bumps of life? Do they even know who your child is texting? Do they know who they are texting? What are the unintentional consequences of bringing technology to the dinner table?
I wish I was being overly dramatic. My fear is that we are looking at the death of the family. Before I’m willing to write a eulogy for families – I give parents this challenge. Issue a technology-free zone for every meal. No phones, no texts, no emails. No tv, no gaming. [Parents – this means that is banned from the dinner table as well.] Does even the thought of it make you nervous? Do you doubt your ability to follow through? If this is true – then I say your family needs this intervention immediately! This is what it takes to reconnect and build those relationships that will result in your children growing into strong, confident adults. You have to connect first on a living, breathing, human level. This is what it takes for you to reclaim your child’s attention and what it takes for you to give them your full attention.
Turn it off. Set it aside. Instead of looking at your incoming messages – send the message to your child that your time together is more important than anyone on the other end of the phone. Only after connecting can you listen for understanding. Honestly who is more important to you than the child in front of you? Who do you hope is more important to them – than you?
It’s going to be hard, but as we like to say, “Never Give Up!” Never give up on building a strong family and connecting with your child.
By: Kelly King
